Days Three to Five. Boobs, Boxing and Berry Bakewells

Okay, so I realise that I'm cheating a little by lumping the last three days in together in one post but I've decided to give myself a break - sometimes there just isn't enough interesting material for one one post per day! And this three-in-one practice will be good for next weekend after my little sister's wedding, somehow I don't see me having the time to blog while I'm away but I'll try!

The last three days have been pretty great from a SW point of view, I've managed to stay within the Syns (or thereabouts - a couple of days where I've been two or three over but also a few where I've been under). No alcohol this week and I haven't really missed it and I've even managed to cram in some exercise. Yesterday it was Boxercise. I figured with my dodgy joints, a low-impact upper body workout would do me good but I hadn't counted on the warm-up or the runs in between the sparring. I could barely breathe after the warm-up and half an hour after finishing the workout, I was still purple! Another reminder that I really need to lose weight and get in shape.

Somehow, after the torture of the gym, I managed to take DS shopping with me for some sucky-in-undies for my sister's wedding. Now I should point out that I dress with my eyes closed, even in my own home. I haven't looked at my body naked in front of a mirror since...forever.  In my own bedroom I have a dressing table built into my wardrobe unit and I've piled items in front of it and I hang dresses on the cupboard above so the mirror is never in use. It's never been a deliberate thing but I think my feelings about my own body mean that I've ever felt the need to clear the area. When I'm trying on clothes, it's a very deliberate choice not to look at myself. I stand in the cubicle with my back turned to the mirror and not until the very last minute, when I'm completely dressed, will I turn around and look at my reflection. Normally, I'm shopping for jeans or tops so it'snot a problem but yesterday it was a nude, Lycra, all-in-one thing to go under my long dress. Something that would hold me in and smooth everything down so I have no lumps or bumps. Perhaps if I had looked in a mirror a little bit more before yesterday, I might not be in the position I'm in now. Having DS in the room with me yesterday meant I couldn't do what I really wanted to when I saw the beige duvet with legs that was staring back at me in the cubicle, which was to sink to the floor and cry so instead I had a really good look at myself, from bottom to top and back down again.

I've never really had good  legs and I marvel at women who weigh a lot more than me but who manage to have these beautiful shapely calves while mine look like they belong on a prop half. The cellulite which once adorned only my buttocks and thighs has started creeping its way down towards my knees like a blancmange waterfall while from knee to breasts I look like a badly-tied sleeping bag. My boobs have grown enormously over the last 6 months and either one of them is, as my tiny co-worker JB and I discovered, as big as her head! And my upper arms are, like details of your grandparents' sex life, best kept under wraps. However, before any of you out there (if, indeed, there is anyone out there) think that I'm self-deprecating for attention, I do have a cracking collar-bone. No, really. It's chiselled and beautiful and longs to have the perfect off-the-shoulder gown to show them off. Apart from a bit of a double-chin, the face isn't too bad - at least the wrinkles have held off for a while.

The thing is, although I was completely horrified, I wasn't all that surprised and now, not only do I know what I'm working with but it means that as I lose weight I'll be able to see its effects more clearly. Before yesterday I had no idea what my body looked like but now I understand all of its curves and nooks, every last dimple and thread vein. And rather than just feel the sagging folds of my stomach, instead I forced myself to really look at it and instead I marvelled at the lines that were left over from having given birth to my children - my own personal battle scars. Although I may never be completely at ease with them, I think as I'm getting older and seeing the friends around me who are trying to have children of their own, I realise how valuable they are.

That invisible 'red rope of love' as Gillian Clarke so eloquently put it has been really been stretched this week as well. DD1 is on the verge of becoming a teenager and is testing her boundaries. And my patience. Seems anything we do or say sets her off screaming or crying. I do remember the flood of hormones at her age and I'm trying my hardest to remain calm but I'm not entirely sure how I've managed to refrain from hitting the bottle or running into the nearest newsagents for a pack of 10 Marlboro but hubby is keeping me calm and plied with Turkish Delight flavour MullerLights!

And where do the Berry Bakewells fit in? Well, I bought a pack on Tuesday, finished the last one today (I did manage to give one to hubby) and will be buying at least three more next week. Of all of the Hi-Fi bars I've tried, this one comes the closest to tasting like actual cake! Divine!

Well, another weekend has been and gone without so much as picking up a green pen so I guess I should at least make the effort!

Night all xx

Day Two. Horseshoes

Me again!

Just a quick post before bedtime. Managed to complete another day without resorting to rifling through the cupboards for leftover Christmas chocolate, although I'm not feeling in any way complacent. The more I've talked about it with hubby tonight, the more I realise how much I want this to work and what I'm prepared to do to get to my goal.

Lunch duty outside today which meant having my lunch outside while walking around. I couldn't bring myself to eat salad so I had the chilli and rice. The lovely ladies are all SW members too through and I know that they eat the food, so I'm confident that it's good stuff! I can't always guarantee that the food will be suitable though so I definitely need a warm food option I can quickly nuke before I head out. Oh God, just remembered it's fish and chips tomorrow - wish me luck!

Oh, and the horseshoes? I rearranged my classroom today into two horseshoes - worked a charm. The kids were better behaved and they hate me for it which can only mean that I'm doing something right!

Night all xx

P.S. Found out today that I'm allergic to Green Tea. Weird!

Day One. Such fun!

Hello again,

I realise that I only just posted something but the intro was somewhat retrospective for yesterday and I've now been back on plan for a whole day - woohoo - and I want to try and post every day!

Highlights:

• I managed to visit the school canteen without buying anything that wasn't free food (I'm too cheap to bring food in from home when I get a paid lunch three times a week!)
• Sweet Chilli Snack a Jacks are only 4 1/2 Syns
• Berry Bakewell Hi-Fi bars are freakin' awesome!
• Hubby found me some light wine - I won't open it until I know the Syn content but I know it's less than the stuff I normally knock back so I have something to look forward to this week!
• I completed my reports on time. Not food-related, I know, but such a relief nonetheless!

Lowlights(?)

• Bus breaking down on the way home, waiting half an hour for a new one which then terminated 15 mins from home. Yay, I just realised that the 15-min walk home counts as Body Magic though so silver-lining!
• Arrived home cold and hungry - NOT a good combination! Must make sure that I have things in the house to combat stress munchies.

That's not a bad pro/con list all in all. Although today I was reminded of a 5th reason for wanting to lose weight. Remember, I said there'd be others!

5. Miranda. Being tall and large framed with short dark hair means that students have suddenly decided that I look like Miranda Harte, lol! They shout out her name in the playground, they whisper her name and point at me in the canteen and now they run past my classroom shouting it through the open door. Aargh!! And it's not just this school - I heard it all the time at my last school too. Don't get me wrong- I like the woman. I think she's funny. I just don't want to be compared with her (and I honestly don't see the similarity), although I'd happily take her last salary over mine! I'll post a picture of me up here soon and I'll let you decide. 

So, end of Day One. Back on plan and even started myself a little blog - that should keep me away from the fridge in the evenings anyway!

Night all xx

Greetings from the Fat Side

Greetings!

Before anyone thinks I might be some sort of Liz Taylor-esqe wedding cake addict and that I'm lining up husband number 5, I should tell you straight off that the '5th Time' I'm referring to, is the number of times I've joined Slimming World over the last 16 years. 3 of the 4 previous times have been pretty abysmal but I'm nothing if not stubborn!

So what makes this time any different? 

1. I turned 37 at the end of last year and I'm suddenly seeing 40 on the horizon. That means I've been overweight for about 25 years and I'm determined not to enter another decade with plantar fasciitis, back pain and chafed thighs (particularly as my hubby has promised me a holiday for my 40th!)
2. Plantar fasciitis is now so bad that walking around the house and classroom often requires holding on to chairs and tables - disgusting for someone of my age.
3. My youngest is only 3 and wants to be able to run around the park - I can't keep up with him and spend most of the time just watching as my eldest two give chase.
4. I quit smoking three months ago and this is the last hurdle!

I'm sure as I go through this journey there'll be other reasons that I think of but these are certainly the ones which inspired me to head back into the local primary school last night and rejoin Slimming World. 

My history with Slimming World is pretty chequered:

Joined 1997 - left about 6 weeks later - weight loss about 10 lbs

Joined 2006 - left about 6 weeks later - weight loss about 8 lbs

Joined 2010 - left 4 months later - weight loss 3 stone

Joined 2012 - left 6 weeks later - weight loss 10 lbs

Joined 2013 - 

In between I've done Atkins, Blood Type, GI, GI, Rosemary Conley and Weight Watchers and never lost as much as I did in 2010. I was on maternity leave at the time but as soon as I went back to work I put all of the weight back on again. With interest.

Last night, I sheepishly entered the group run by Fiona, who was my Consultant in 2010, and who is the main reason I chose to attend this new group, midway between work and home so there's absolutely no excuse for not attending.

Weigh-In

En route to the session, I was trying to prepare myself for what I might see on the scales. So I picked a number. A HUGE number. A number that I was comfortable seeing on the scale (in the sure and certain knowledge that I would be considerably under it). Clever, eh?

I was 8.5lbs over it. OVER!

So, here goes. 

That makes me 18 stone 8.5lbs. Without a doubt, the heaviest I have ever been in my life. My BMI is a shocking 39.6, only just outside morbidly obese. I'm fortunate enough to be tall and only ever reached a size 20 but I'm under no illusions about how I look. 

So...onwards and upwards. 

Perhaps it's presumptous to think that anyone will ever even read this blog and, to be honest, I don't even mind if no-one ever does. But this is my journey and I'd like to have a record of it for the years to come and, if it helps anyone else on the way, then that'd be grand!